Monday, June 27, 2011

Observations On The Grocery Store

I'm in the mood for another list.  Do try to contain your excitement, you're embarrassing yourself. 

1. Hey there, every cashier I encounter at various grocery stores, what you do all day isn't even close to topping the list of worst jobs to have.  Why are you all so angry? Your angers frightens me. Let's hug it out.

2. You know what's super fun to watch?  Someone who's never used the self checkout before.  I can just imagine the inner monologue...

Today's the day.  You are an intelligent, confident woman. You can ring out your own groceries.  How hard could it be to pay for a bottle of wine, three Lean Cuisines and forty-seven cans of cat food? 

Ok, here we go.
*boop* Place item in bag.  Place item in bag.  Place item in bag. 
I am placing the item in the bag!  I am placing the...ohhh. Oops.
*boop* Place item in bag.  Place item in bag. 
Please wait for assistance.  

I'm a failure  

3. I understand, surly bakery lady, that your time is precious. You have a schedule to keep, and mediocre cakes to decorate but could you not give me the stink eye when I'm looking at your wares with my kids?  Pretty please, with a big blob of icing on top?  

4. Why are half the packages of strawberries always rotten?  You have to allot at least 45 minutes of your hour shopping trip to find two packages of strawberries that aren't fuzzy or leaking. Or fuzzy and leaking.  Or fuzzy, leaking, and one of them may have just winked at you... And don't get me started on the condition of the 'fresh' garlic available in most grocery stores.

5. While we're discussing fruit, hey there, teeny tiny packages of raspberries and blackberries that cost a firstborn and a kidney.  I'd like to buy you, but I've got other bills to worry about.  It's either twelve little raspberries in the smallest plastic container ever, or the rest of the groceries in my cart. 

6. Overeager deli worker, go stir a salad!  I'm just walking past you, bring it down a few notches.  You're scaring my children.

7. Does anyone else think the workers in the meat department are mysterious and strange?  They have on the white coats, they appear out of nowhere with handfuls of wrapped meat.  It's like their footsteps have no sound. You're innocently looking at a pork loin and you get that prickly sensation on the back of your neck.  You turn around and there's a pale man in a doctors coat, hands full of loin needing put kind of just back away slowly...

8. There's just too many choices of ice cream.  Chocolate. Vanilla. Strawberry. Chocolate/Vanilla/Strawberry.  Chocolate/Vanilla/Strawberry with Fudge! Cookies and Cream.  Cherry this, mint that.  It goes on forever.  We, as a family, have gotten into arguments about which flavor to get.  I wonder how many marriages have ended in the ice cream aisle? 

9. Ever find yourself standing in front of the frozen pizzas, staring at the pictures, trying to figure out which one sounds and looks the least gross? Maybe it's just me.

 10. This isn't an observation from the grocery store, but it is about a grocery item.  Does anyone else think all yogurt tastes the same?  Strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, orange, chocolate, key lime. They all taste like...yogurt. 
They all have slightly different tastes, but not at the same time...hmmm...the Snozberries taste like Snozberries! 

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