Monday, May 2, 2011

The Girl's Resume

If The Girl were going to get a job today, the following would be her resume. I am certain that she is not even close to employable yet. Then again . . .

The Girl
Age: 4 tomorrow
Height: 42 inches 
Weight: 39 pounds

Skills
* Can climb on chairs or any furniture that my parents have told me not to
* Can repaint living room wall with a bottle of nail polish in the amount of time it takes Daddy to "rest his eyes"
* Can laugh very loudly (imagine a really loud dolphin)
* Can run faster than my momma if necessary
* Can destroy a room that my momma spent two hours cleaning in less time than it takes for her to use the bathroom
* Can unravel an entire roll of toilet paper for no good reason in under a minute
* Can paint my face in the amount of time it takes for my momma to unload the dryer
* Can fake sleep long enough for parents to go to bed so I can have "alone time"
* Can act as though I do not know how to dress myself during the day, but wake up in the morning wearing completely different clothes than I went to bed in
* Can completely melt down when not getting my way and yo-yo back without a tear with the offer of candy
* Can identify self conscious people and then ask really pertinent questions very loudly: "Why is that man so fat?" "Why does that lady look so mean?" "What is wrong with her face?" "Why are you turning so red, Momma?"

Strengths
- Imagination
- I can befriend just about anyone in mere seconds
- I have the ability to remember random embarrassing facts at the least appropriate moment (great way to get candy)
 - I’m really good at repeating what others have said, especially if it is inappropriate
 - I have perfected the exasperated sigh (most kids don't develop this ability until 9, I am pretty advanced)
 - I can identify every fear my mother has for my well being and then get this.close to acting them out
- I am able to remember the lyrics to lots of tunes
- I can hear through walls and doors, even when you whisper
- I have a great imagination - my toys can be anything and everything
- I speak some Spanish

Weaknesses
-Getting called a name - I especially do not like to be referred to as a baby.
-Ability to forget everything that I learned in school that day (What did you do today? Nothing. We just played.)
-Obsession with candy and Toy Story
-Wiping myself
-Fair and sharing are relational - if it means I am getting something, it is fair, if I have to give it to you - it's not 
-Selective Hearing and Comprehension - I heard and understand everything you said until "pick up" or "time for bed"
 -I need more toys 

Personal Statement
Since I’m a pre-schooler I am not a team player. I like to be on center-stage and am unafraid of public speaking. I would prefer not to clean up after myself, I will probably eat all of your snacks, and I don't like to nap. 

I am really cute and give great hugs and kisses. I am the epitome of precocious.


For references, you can use my Tinkerbell cell phone to call anyone in the world. I recommend Santa Claus, the President and the Wonder Pets.

2 comments:

  1. OMG this could so be my daughter!! LOL

    ReplyDelete