Saturday, April 30, 2011

Heavy Heart - We love you Randi!

I've posted before about my online moms board and how they have totally and absolutely become a huge part of my life over the past five years. We've been there for each other to share the joys and the trials of our lives. Most of us share perhaps more openly with each other online than we do in our day to day lives. It has been a safe place and refuge for each of us over the years. We've collectively gone through the loss of one of our dear sweet May 2007 babies (Meghan), miscarriages, special needs diagnoses, children's surgeries, job loss, family struggles, health and relationship issues to list just a few.

I was supremely saddened to learn just this week that one of us is losing her fight with cancer. Her name is Randi and she has been fighting valiantly to beat back lung cancer and a brain tumor. It appears that the disease is more than she can bear. Her four young daughters and loving husband are struggling to handle what is to come.

It doesn't even feel right to type that, as if I'm somehow giving in or giving up by admitting that we're all going to lose her. I don't want to think it, let alone type it. And yet here I am, tears in my eyes, trying to pay some sort of tribute to her courage, generosity, love and the laughter she has graced us with. No matter what she is dealing with she always brings a smile. Her infectious humor and tongue-in-cheek posts have made 'laughing out loud' an actual reality. I can vividly recall times where I actually sprayed coffee on the computer monitor after mistakenly thinking I could drink while reading her posts.

If there was some way I could give her back her health I would move heaven and earth to do so. I have been praying for her and will continue, although those prayers are now for peace and understanding. I know life isn't fair, but this seems to be the unfairest of all. Randi is the last person to want people's sympathy or pity. But what I'm feeling right now goes beyond that. Our hearts are breaking, our hands desperately looking for something to do that would help, our mouths fumbling for the right things to say to express how we feel.

Tonight as I sit here, healthy with my children asleep in their beds, I am reminded of the frailty of this life - of how it only takes one moment to lose everything your heart so desperately needs. I cannot fathom what Randi's husband Clay and her daughters are going through right now. I sit here, states away, feeling helpless. I am so thankful for those of us able to make the journey to be with Randi and her family.

So please, if you are a praying person (and even if you're not) say a prayer for Randi and her family. Send positive thoughts out into the universe. Perhaps she'll be able to tell that people are thinking of her and sending her their best. And the next chance you get, love on your kids, your friends, your significant other. There is no time like the present to make sure those you love know just how deep that love is.


  1. I hope you don't mind that I used that photo - I realized I probably should have asked first.

  2. Photo is being removed per family request.