Thursday, February 10, 2011

Just an FYI to all you parents...

If you can't get your kids to give you the "front and center" full attention you desire, and you are permanently hoarse from screaming, "come here, NOW!", and you are about to pull your teeth out to numb the pain of constant disobedience from your children, then here is a way to get their undivided attention...just go to the bathroom!

Yes. It works! See, every time I go to the bathroom and shut the door, 3 seconds later I hear endless knocking and,

"Mooooooooooooooom! What are you doing?? Let me in!"

And The Girl does not leave, or stop knocking, until I open that door.


No matter what I am doing, like plucking my eyebrows, relieving my bladder, crying about something, or trying to stuff cookies/cake down my throat, she is there.

If I don't lock the door she will barge right in!

Why is this? Why can I scream, and threaten, and plead for her to come to me when I need her, and only get a mere, "WHAT?" response that barely travels through space? But, when I have something to do near a toilet she turns into Velcro?

She'll shake the door and yell in a panicky voice, as if I found a window and jumped out, or dived into the toilet and flushed.

All this time, The Girl could have been tearing apart the kitchen, eating Styrofoam, sliding head-first down the stairs in a sleeping bag, writing on the wall with permanent markers, playing with fire, doing anything she wanted. But, instead, she is glued to the bathroom door, waiting to enter.

It is one of the strange truths of parenting - There is no solitude in the bathroom.  This is why, in our house, we have given up on the concept of solo bathroom time.  Frequently, The Boy is in his jumpy seat in the doorway and The Girl is bringing in her toys.  Somehow it just isn't worth it anymore to attempt to keep them out.  Or maybe we just forgot that the bathroom even has a door. . .

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