Things Motherhood Has Taught Me

• Ponytails are a defense mechanism to protect your scalp from fast, chubby, sticky fingers.
• You'll talk about poop with anyone. ANYONE.
• Children are very literal. Try talking about your computer and Windows with someone and watch your little one attempt to put that image together. (I did. It's funny.)
• Second babies try very, very hard to keep up. The Boy has become fascinated with 'real' food he sees his sister eating and delights in doing whatever she is trying to do. I'm positive he has no idea he's a baby.
• You may be able to pawn off mundane chores on your children. The Girl thinks changing the toilet paper roll is the coolest thing ever. I've also convinced her to feed the cats.
• Stretch marks make you feel like a walking Picasso painting.
• You can, in fact, get most (or all) of your children fed, clothed, and packed for a trip to town in the time it takes your husband to get dressed.
• Five hours of sleep is enough to survive.
• Television at 4 a.m. is a great distraction from a baby who thinks it's time to play.
• Children will be loud mostly because they want to see how loud they are.
• A little perfume will cover up almost any odd smell that comes with your job.